I Am Not A Good-looking Man— Help!

September 16, 2022

Dear David,
Many thanks for your own heartfelt letter. Despite the "good soldier" tone, I can inform this can be a very painful problem obtainable. You are reaching out to resolve this issue, and that I think that in the context of eHarmony's solution, we can control it.

You'll not be surprised to discover that images have given united states too much to think of. In the end, we feel that the main trouble with conventional relationship usually persons make selections based largely on appearance. eHarmony was designed to help people develop better interactions by picking their unique partners much more carefully, this indicates deemphasizing the part for the real to make that option.

But simultaneously, I am a huge proponent of biochemistry in an union. I deeply believe if two people you should not discuss a fairly considerable sense of chemistry, the partnership won't be satisfying over time.

So how would these views leave us?

Initial, David, I'm able to virtually guarantee you that every ladies may not be put off by the look. You will find requirements of charm within society for males as well as ladies, but there's almost no predicting just what a person person will find appealing. You don't need all older women seeking men in eHarmony to obtain you appealing – only some.

If you're comfy performing this, i would suggest which you display your picture through the start of our own communication process, and that I'll let you know precisely why. Whether it might your knowledge that many ladies nearby your match after witnessing the image, you need to go that event upwards in the act. You won't want to spend time learning someone that actually at ease with your looks. By presenting your own picture at the start, fits that aren't attracted to it is possible to shut you straight away, and you'll stay away from any interacting with each other together. When you begin 1st game of communication with somebody, you know they own recognized your appearance.

Now, you might ask, "But Dr. Warren, isn't that giving in the people who find themselves producing judgments based on looks?" Perhaps, but Really don't think-so. In your distinctive scenario we're wanting to select the individuals who aren't producing a judgment on that criterion. If everything is just like you describe all of them, a female just who moves forward with you have made a decision that your appearance is actually much less crucial than or incredibly important to the other situations she is aware of you.

Can it make me personally unfortunate that some females would shut you considering nothing more than see your face? Completely! Although i understand that each individual wishes and deserves to be keen on the individual they marry, I also realize as soon as you familiarize yourself with a person from the inside out you will definitely perceive his or her appearance in another way.

So I want to say this to all people who'll visit your image: If there's one example we have now learned from our winning couples – men and women exactly who met on eHarmony and married – it really is a large number of times your true love happens to be you from outside your "safe place." The comfort zone would be that imaginary border you develop regarding location, height, career, looks, etc.

Attracting rigid policies about whom you're prepared to consider may indicate that you lose out on a person who can literally alter your life into one thing more happy, rewarding and fulfilling than you ever might have anticipated.

Best of luck, David, inside eHarmony experience, and keep united states aware in your development.

I wish you the very best,
Dr. Neil Clark Warren